I am unable to get my hands on it right now but there is a picture of my great-grandmother sitting on her front porch with 100-lb bags of sugar stacked behind her.
One of the biggest mistakes I see someone making after giving up on their marriage is to get involved with someone new right away. Sometimes it works out well but most of the time it doesn't. For me, I fought for my marriage until I found out about the other woman. Then I was done. and immediately began to look for my own person to date.
And I found him. I wound up with another bruise on my heart and now, six years later, this man is a true friend. He was also going through a divorce so I hope that on some level we helped each other. There has been a date here and there but for the most part, I have not wanted to be bothered with the day-in and day-out requirements of a relationship.
But every now and then, an exception comes along. For me it was about this time two years ago that I stated talking to Mark. I was reeling from a stunning court decision that made my ex-husband the primary residential parent (we have joint-custody) because the judge liked the fact that he was married and could provide a two parent home. I suddenly found myself with time on my hands and there I was, vulnerable and needy.
The first few months were great. then i started catching on to all of his lies... then being made to feel guilty and wrong for questioning things. And this is not like me. Usually, I am more of the "f*ck you" personality when it comes to head games. I have come to the conclusion that regardless, with the right situation, everyone is vulnerable to something.
So this is where i am now.. Missing someone that doesn't deserve my kindness and certainly doesn't deserve to know I miss him, but not wanting to go backwards and be miserable again. I am looking forward to what comes next and having fun thinking about it. Of course, I have skipped over a lot. The intense depression and anxiety i have suffered for years. The diagnosis of PTSD that explained soooo much... and how all of it is 100 times worse in the winter months...
I do not believe I have to have a man to be happy and fulfilled. It really pisses me off that people let me know they are praying for me to "find a good man." How about praying that I find happiness, security, and love within myself? It pisses me off that women will hang on to a bad situation just so they can have a man. or give the appearance of having a man. The first rule of happiness is to make yourself happy first. Then the rest will fall into place.
One of the biggest mistakes I see someone making after giving up on their marriage is to get involved with someone new right away. Sometimes it works out well but most of the time it doesn't. For me, I fought for my marriage until I found out about the other woman. Then I was done. and immediately began to look for my own person to date.
And I found him. I wound up with another bruise on my heart and now, six years later, this man is a true friend. He was also going through a divorce so I hope that on some level we helped each other. There has been a date here and there but for the most part, I have not wanted to be bothered with the day-in and day-out requirements of a relationship.
But every now and then, an exception comes along. For me it was about this time two years ago that I stated talking to Mark. I was reeling from a stunning court decision that made my ex-husband the primary residential parent (we have joint-custody) because the judge liked the fact that he was married and could provide a two parent home. I suddenly found myself with time on my hands and there I was, vulnerable and needy.
The first few months were great. then i started catching on to all of his lies... then being made to feel guilty and wrong for questioning things. And this is not like me. Usually, I am more of the "f*ck you" personality when it comes to head games. I have come to the conclusion that regardless, with the right situation, everyone is vulnerable to something.
So this is where i am now.. Missing someone that doesn't deserve my kindness and certainly doesn't deserve to know I miss him, but not wanting to go backwards and be miserable again. I am looking forward to what comes next and having fun thinking about it. Of course, I have skipped over a lot. The intense depression and anxiety i have suffered for years. The diagnosis of PTSD that explained soooo much... and how all of it is 100 times worse in the winter months...
I do not believe I have to have a man to be happy and fulfilled. It really pisses me off that people let me know they are praying for me to "find a good man." How about praying that I find happiness, security, and love within myself? It pisses me off that women will hang on to a bad situation just so they can have a man. or give the appearance of having a man. The first rule of happiness is to make yourself happy first. Then the rest will fall into place.
I'm sorry you have been hurt. You have the right idea now. Becoming the worman who is strong, fierce & independent, who loves herself; that is truly the most important thing. You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. I wish you the best of everything on this quest!
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best too, Tina. The trust issue prevented me from having any kind of life at all, almost caused me to not marry Johnny. You've figured out what is important, have the right idea now. If we can't love ourselves, aren't happy with the person we are it's not likely anybody else could either. Blogging is such a help, at least for me. I'm hoping it is helping you too. I know having others in our corner is a big morale booster. You take care.
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