<sigh> the dr's office rescheduled my appt for next Thursday. Very aggravated.
I saw once where the Irish named their whiskey "moonshine" because it was a clear liquid that when held to the light of the moon (when it was usually transported) it reflected the moon and the stars. I thought this sounded beautiful and I swore that if I were ever rich, I would build a home worthy of it's own name and I would name that home Moon Shine. That is unlikely to ever happen so I will make this spot my own Moon Shine. Welcome
Friday, July 27, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Hiding From The Light Of The Moon
The moonshine was often moved under the cover of darkness. Preferably when the moon was covered by clouds. Even in the Old Country, the Irish participated in making and distributing illegal whiskey. I chose the picture for my blog because I could just imagine someone in the process of transporting their product and waiting for the clouds to pass over, or taking cover in the shadows as the clouds moved away and the moon shown bright.
I am no stranger to moving between the light and the shadows of the moon. It's where I feel safe.
At the moment I am in a bit of a fix. I am on unemployment and that meets my basic needs. So that is good. I am grateful to have it while I have it. I am also uninsured and uninsurable. I do qualify for the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan, www.pcip.gov, through the federal government if I can afford the premium. I am waiting to hear if I have been accepted. The premiums are not terrible. But it does have a $2,000.00 deductible with 80/20 coverage and an additional $500.00 deductible on meds. Those number could be unaffordable while on unemployment.
A while back I noticed soreness in one breast and pain that radiated from my breast to under my arm. I also noticed heat and the sensation of "let down" that women who have breast fed are familiar. I thought I must have an infection. Or maybe my addiction to caffiene was catching up with me. I switched to mostly water. I had also just been given an antibiotic for a sinus and ear infection so I thought that would clear it all up.
When it didn't I decided to call my gyn. I explained I was uninsured and they advised me that he gave a 40% discount for cash patients. He wanted to see me before sending me for a mammogram because if I did have an infection, a mammogram would be needlessly painful. When I got there my dr had been called back into surgery and I saw his nurse. She saw no reason for me to not be able to tolerate a diagnostic mammogram so I was sent directly to the breast center. (Since I did not actually see the dr, I was advised I would not be charged for the gyn visit, yay!) There I was given a mammogram and then an ultrasound.
After the ultrasound I was told to wait while the dr on call took a look at everything. Then the technician advised me the dr said it all looked fine and they saw no reason to see me again for another year. A list of suggestions was given that may explain my symptoms and I was satisfied with that answer.
The next day my gyn's nurse calls and advised me he had referred me to a surgeon. My symptoms were similar to some of those of Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC). IBC is different in that is usually does not form a mass and does not usually show up in a mammogram or ultrasound. A biopsy is needed.
So here I am, caught up in one of those health crises we have all been hearing about and many have experienced. I am not eligible for medicaid at this point but if diagnosed with breast cancer I will be. I receive the surgeon's paperwork in the mail regarding his uninsured policy. He offers a 50% discount but my share would have to be paid in full prior to scheduling the surgery.
Now, remember, if I am diagnosed with IBC, I will qualify for medicaid and it will be made effective on the date of diagnosis. So it is possible that once paying for the surgery up front, that the money would be reimbursed if I were diagnosed. Except this surgeon doesn't participate in Medicaid. He also does not participate in the PCIP plan I hope to participate in. The former insurance employee in me says I should not begin a plan of care with anyone that cannot complete the task. So I request a referral to an equally wonderful surgeon who takes BOTH plans should I ever actually have coverage with either one. My appointment is the 26th at 10:00.
And that is when I begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel. They put me in touch with a social worker at the hospital and my mammo and ultrasound will be covered by the Komen grant. They have a program at the hospital that may cover my services to diagnose me. She assured me that regardless, they would work with me and be there for me. I am feeling the Blessing right now.
So now I am just skating along until my appointment next week. I also got an email about coming in for a second interview next week for a job I have been pursuing. My plan is to carry on as though my diagnosis will be great. Onward and Forward.
I do not believe I have IBC. I will post more on this disease in the coming days. But I do not have any of the actual visual symptoms. People are often told to not worry when their breasts hurt because "breast cancer does not hurt." That is not true. The more common forms of breast cancer may not hurt, but IBC is quiet painful. The prognosis is not wonderful for IBC so if I have it, better to know now rather than later.
My fear is that it is no coincidence that I am aka Charlie Brown. It would be typical of my luck to have finally gotten a job I can sink my teeth into only to have it complicated by something like this.
I am no stranger to moving between the light and the shadows of the moon. It's where I feel safe.
At the moment I am in a bit of a fix. I am on unemployment and that meets my basic needs. So that is good. I am grateful to have it while I have it. I am also uninsured and uninsurable. I do qualify for the Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan, www.pcip.gov, through the federal government if I can afford the premium. I am waiting to hear if I have been accepted. The premiums are not terrible. But it does have a $2,000.00 deductible with 80/20 coverage and an additional $500.00 deductible on meds. Those number could be unaffordable while on unemployment.
A while back I noticed soreness in one breast and pain that radiated from my breast to under my arm. I also noticed heat and the sensation of "let down" that women who have breast fed are familiar. I thought I must have an infection. Or maybe my addiction to caffiene was catching up with me. I switched to mostly water. I had also just been given an antibiotic for a sinus and ear infection so I thought that would clear it all up.
When it didn't I decided to call my gyn. I explained I was uninsured and they advised me that he gave a 40% discount for cash patients. He wanted to see me before sending me for a mammogram because if I did have an infection, a mammogram would be needlessly painful. When I got there my dr had been called back into surgery and I saw his nurse. She saw no reason for me to not be able to tolerate a diagnostic mammogram so I was sent directly to the breast center. (Since I did not actually see the dr, I was advised I would not be charged for the gyn visit, yay!) There I was given a mammogram and then an ultrasound.
After the ultrasound I was told to wait while the dr on call took a look at everything. Then the technician advised me the dr said it all looked fine and they saw no reason to see me again for another year. A list of suggestions was given that may explain my symptoms and I was satisfied with that answer.
The next day my gyn's nurse calls and advised me he had referred me to a surgeon. My symptoms were similar to some of those of Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC). IBC is different in that is usually does not form a mass and does not usually show up in a mammogram or ultrasound. A biopsy is needed.
So here I am, caught up in one of those health crises we have all been hearing about and many have experienced. I am not eligible for medicaid at this point but if diagnosed with breast cancer I will be. I receive the surgeon's paperwork in the mail regarding his uninsured policy. He offers a 50% discount but my share would have to be paid in full prior to scheduling the surgery.
Now, remember, if I am diagnosed with IBC, I will qualify for medicaid and it will be made effective on the date of diagnosis. So it is possible that once paying for the surgery up front, that the money would be reimbursed if I were diagnosed. Except this surgeon doesn't participate in Medicaid. He also does not participate in the PCIP plan I hope to participate in. The former insurance employee in me says I should not begin a plan of care with anyone that cannot complete the task. So I request a referral to an equally wonderful surgeon who takes BOTH plans should I ever actually have coverage with either one. My appointment is the 26th at 10:00.
And that is when I begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel. They put me in touch with a social worker at the hospital and my mammo and ultrasound will be covered by the Komen grant. They have a program at the hospital that may cover my services to diagnose me. She assured me that regardless, they would work with me and be there for me. I am feeling the Blessing right now.
So now I am just skating along until my appointment next week. I also got an email about coming in for a second interview next week for a job I have been pursuing. My plan is to carry on as though my diagnosis will be great. Onward and Forward.
I do not believe I have IBC. I will post more on this disease in the coming days. But I do not have any of the actual visual symptoms. People are often told to not worry when their breasts hurt because "breast cancer does not hurt." That is not true. The more common forms of breast cancer may not hurt, but IBC is quiet painful. The prognosis is not wonderful for IBC so if I have it, better to know now rather than later.
My fear is that it is no coincidence that I am aka Charlie Brown. It would be typical of my luck to have finally gotten a job I can sink my teeth into only to have it complicated by something like this.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Welcome to Moon Shine. I have had several blogs since 2005 when I first discovered AOL Journals. It was a wonderful community of bloggers and writing helped me through a tough time. My best blog was Steel Mags & Hairspray. I stopped blogging not too long after the community largely migrated here, to Blogger. We lost each other and with that lost a lot of support.
The last two years of my life have been very bad. Not as bad as some have experienced but bad for me. I am not going to detail it all here. This blog is about moving forward. Just a little at a time. Because when I think about my past, I get depressed. When i think about my future, I get anxious. So I am working on today.
I was looking through my old journal and if you can stand to do it with your own you will learn a lot about yourself. You may notice patterns of behavior that are detrimental to you. Now we all know the solution to bad patterns of behavior is to break that cycle. But frequently we don't even see the pattern.
Do you ever see someone's Facebook or Twitter status and think, "Oh lord, here we go again! Martha Sue is in love and by Sunday she will be either engaged or hearbroken?" I have friends that are bipolar and/or recovering addicts. I can tell by their posts if they are off their meds, using, or engaging in behavior that may lead to said actions. But when you are the one living the situation and not merely observing it can be harder to see the outcome. I wonder what we would all see if we could get a print out of just our status updates for the last year or two? What would YOU see?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)