The Paper Man in the Moon

I should have made this entry before midnight... August 16 is my daughter's birthday. She turned 13! One day she had been looking to see what famous people shared her birthday. What she found instead was a listing of deaths. Elvis, Margaret Mitchell and several others.  She brought this information to me and was very concerned that her birthday was that of such sadness.

So I told her, "Yes, we have lost some wonderful, creative people on this date. But God doesn't take without giving something in return. And that's why we have YOU."  And she is wonderful and creative. I wish I could do half of what she can do. She is one super cutie patootie.

I have experienced more Blessings this week. On Tuesday I received a call from a company that I have been trying to get on with forever. They arranged for a phone interview on Wednesday and after that they had me come in on Thursday for a face-to-face. I think it went very well. I won't know for sure for another couple of weeks but I feel its promise for certain. Glory to God!

We have some nasty storms on the way and I can feel them. I am a human barometer. It has always been my dream to live on the coast but I fear the hurricane season would be too painful for me.

Saturday night my youngest daughter and I were able to see the meteor shower. It was so nice to sit out on the porch with her and listen to her chatter. A cold front had blown in on Friday so it was actually a little chilly. Then the paper man came up the drive and she started talking about how she had considered messing with the paper man. Like dressing up as Big Foot and dashing out of the woods in front of the car, then taking off across the field... I told her that I bet people had messed with the paper man before... Someday if I meet a paper delivery driver I will ask if people give them a hard time... lol.

That child has such an imagination. Just to chat with her is like a breath of fresh air.

a wise child once said....

Kennedy has been posting some status updates on her Facebook. this is tonight's:

Kennedy Elizabeth Griffith

I was thinking about my current situation.... and I realized something. I am not sad, nor scared. I am not happy either though. I just.. I am. You can't explain this feeling, not empty, but somewhat carefree. I think this is Gods way of telling me, it doesn't matter where you end up. Everything's going to be okay.

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Tomorrow I have a phone interview for a position that I am very excited about. If I get this position, I could make it my forever work home. I am more than a little excited. I have a very good chance at this one. 

I had more to write about but have gone blank! oh well. It may come to be at 2 a.m.....

How do you say goodbye?

Tonight is not a happy post. This is about a young lady named Kennedy Griffith. She was a classmate of my daughter's. here is her picture:

Here is a brief synopsis of her story:

Randy Smith: Just One More Miracle

Friday, August 10, 2012 - by Randy Smith

Randy Smith

I have decided to write about something other than sports today; my heart is too heavy. My good friends from Marion County, the Griffiths, received news this week that no parents on earth should ever hear. Doctors have told them they are all out of options in treating the cancer that has ravaged the body of their 15 year old daughter and granddaughter. Kennedy Griffith was diagnosed three years ago and has fought the most valiant fight I have ever witnessed. She has undergone dozens and dozens of chemo and radiation treatments. She has lost a leg and a lung, and every time a tumor was killed or shrunk, another one soon appeared. In every case, a doctor would come up with a plan to change treatment, or try something new. This week, doctors told Mark, Pam and Kennedy, there was nothing left to try.

When Kennedy was given the news, she cried hysterically, then sobbed herself to sleep. Without further radiation treatments, she would likely live two weeks. If they continue radiation, she could live a month or more. Right now, she will have the treatments for the next two weeks in Houston, Texas then return home.

After reading the latest entry in her CaringBridge journal, I sat at my desk and wept. This is just not right. Parents should never outlive their children. Young people should never have to suffer this much. After a few minutes, I dried my eyes and wrote a message to the family on my facebook timeline. I borrowed a quote from my old buddy Roy Exum; one that I have used many times before. "The same everlasting Father, who cares for you today, will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either He will shield you from suffering, or give you unfailing strength to bear it. So, be at peace. And put away all anxious thoughts and imaginings."

That quote has helped me countless numbers of times in my life. It always seems to give me an inner peace. I hope it helps Pam and Mark as well as grandparents Toni and Wayne. The Griffiths are a much loved and respected family. They are so respected in fact, a lot of folks who are not related to them feel as if they too are family. It's easy to see where Kennedy gets her fighting spirit;her grandmother, Toni was one of the toughest athletes to ever graduate from Whitwell High School.

I worship a wonderful and loving God. Yet, there are many things in life we are not supposed to understand. He has chosen to clear things up for us when we get to heaven; something I truly believe. I also believe he hears every single prayer we utter to him. He answers most of them, though a lot of times it may not be the answer we hoped for. And, I do believe in miracles. Nothing is too powerful or advanced for God to defeat. I am continuing to pray for strength, as well as peace for the Griffith family. But I am also still praying for a miracle; just one more miracle.

Randy Smith rsmithsports@comcast.net

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Randy Smith has been covering sports in Tennessee for the last 43 years. After leaving WRCB-TV in 2009, he has continued his broadcasting career as a free-lance play-by-play announcer. He is also an author and is a media concepts teacher at Red Bank High School in Chattanooga. Randy Smith's career has included a 17-year stint as scoreboard host and pre-game talk show host on the widely regarded "Vol Network". He has also done play by play of more than 500 college football, basketball, baseball and softball games on ESPN, ESPN2, Fox Sports, CSS and Tennessee Pay Per View telecasts. He was selected as "Tennessee's Best Sports Talk Show Host" in 1998 by the Associated Press. He has won other major awards including, "Best Sports Story" in Tennessee and his "Friday Night Football" shows on WRCB-TV twice won "Best Sports Talk Show In Tennessee" awards. He has also been the host of "Inside Lee University Basketball" on CSS for the past 11 years. He was the first television broadcaster to ever be elected to the "Greater Chattanooga Area Sports Hall of Fame", in 2003. Randy and his wife, Shelia, reside in Hixson. They have two married children (Christi and Chris Perry; Davey and Alison Smith). They also have three grandchildren (Coleman, Boone, and DellaMae).

Kennedy Griffith with dad Mark Griffith, director of Marion County Schools

I don't know how one prepares to say good-bye to a child. I know that many of done it. But this one, a peer of my daughter's, has hit me hard. it has hit us all hard. 

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This is her and her mother, Pam.

so for those that pray, maybe remember Kennedy? I know the Griffiths will appreciate it. 

Fruit drinks

Fruit liquor is commonly used in homemade medicines by older people in my area. This is where you take fruit combined with sugar and moonshine in a mason jar and you let it sit for a few weeks for the flavors to mingle. This can then be used as a drink or a tonic. It can work great for a cough and is yummy when heated. 

I have been delaying seeing a dentist for a loose bridge. This was a money thing. I didn't want to hear it was worse than I feared. but lately it was becoming extremely painful and had to go to sleep at night. I broke down and the dentist was able to see me on Tuesday... 

At first he thought it was broken. Which meant he couldn't fix it. Then he saw it was just unseated on one end but "he thought" the tooth in front needed a root canal. I told him I could not afford the root canal. he said he understood and preceded to work. At some point I realized he was doing the root canal anyway! I thought, okay, well guess what, Doctor? I will be making payments on this visit whether you like it or not...!

As it turns out, he did it for free. FREE. A root canal for FREE!!! I feel so blessed. I have never been there when he didn't discuss how he saved money here or there and how he hated the insurance companies because they didn't pay enough... And he did this for me. 

Then I came home and checked the mail and there was the letter saying my application for health insurance had been approved! So I am now insured. 

My daughters had registration for school and came home excited about the school year.  

A great day that I owe all to God!!!

I had noted on my fb that something bad would happen on Wednesday because that is how the devil worked but for Tuesday I was happy! 

And I did hear from Mark on Wednesday. and you know what? He didn't seem all that important. 

Sugar

I am unable to get my hands on it right now but there is a picture of my great-grandmother sitting on her front porch with 100-lb bags of sugar stacked behind her.

One of the biggest mistakes I see someone making after giving up on their marriage is to get involved with someone new right away. Sometimes it works out well but most of the time it doesn't. For me, I fought for my marriage until I found out about the other woman. Then I was done. and immediately began to look for my own person to date.

And I found him. I wound up with another bruise on my heart and now, six years later, this man is a true friend. He was also going through a divorce so I hope that on some level we helped each other. There has been a date here and there but for the most part, I have not wanted to be bothered with the day-in and day-out requirements of a relationship.

But every now and then, an exception comes along. For me it was about this time two years ago that I stated talking to Mark. I was reeling from a stunning court decision that made my ex-husband the primary residential parent (we have joint-custody) because the judge liked the fact that he was married and could provide a two parent home. I suddenly found myself with time on my hands and there I was, vulnerable and needy.

The first few months were great. then i started catching on to all of his lies... then being made to feel guilty and wrong for questioning things. And this is not like me.  Usually, I am more of the "f*ck you" personality when it comes to head games.  I have come to the conclusion that regardless, with the right situation, everyone is vulnerable to something.

So this is where i am now.. Missing someone that doesn't deserve my kindness and certainly doesn't deserve to know I miss him, but not wanting to go backwards and be miserable again.  I am looking forward to what comes next and having fun thinking about it. Of course, I have skipped over a lot.  The intense depression and anxiety i have suffered for years. The diagnosis of PTSD that explained soooo much... and how all of it is 100 times worse in the winter months...

I do not believe I have to have a man to be happy and fulfilled. It really pisses me off that people let me know they are praying for me to "find a good man." How about praying that I find happiness, security, and love within myself? It pisses me off that women will hang on to a bad situation just so they can have a man. or give the appearance of having a man. The first rule of happiness is to make yourself happy first. Then the rest will fall into place.

wedding vs marriage

I have been watching a marathon of Say Yes To The Dress. I truly enjoy this show. I love to see the dresses and have always had a wish that I could have opened my own formal dress store. I remember my own search for a dress. I knew what I wanted and at the first store we went to it was the third dress I tried on.

But I made a very big mistake. I spent more time planning my wedding than I did my marriage. And I think most people do. You get caught up in the excitement and the attention. Then it is all over and it's just the two of you.

So I know I made mistakes in my marriage that contributed to my divorce. I have made mistakes my whole life that have impacted me and are responsible for where I am today. Yet if I were given the opportunity to go back in time with the knowledge I have know, I would not go back to the age of 18, nor would I go back to the summer of 1989 when I fell in love for the first time and had a very hot summer. I wouldn't go back to when I met my future ex-husband to redo our marriage.

I would go back to the beginning of our divorce. That is what I would do differently. And I would do it well. Very well. There would be no blame and drama. No begging for marriage counseling. When we got to that part where he asks to separate, I would help him pack his bags and send him on his way.

And I wouldn't look back.

Moonin'

I FINALLY had my dr appointment today. I was assured I had no problems and that sometimes the explanation for my symptoms is that there is no explanation. I saw the nurse practitioner and not the specialist himself. She gave me a breast exam and that was pretty much it.

So, now I know it is okay to ignore my discomfort as I had intended to do before I was referred out. I guess.

I have now had three appointments as an uninsured individual. You do not get the same level of care as an uninsured patient as you do while insured. Regardless of the mission statement that is posted everywhere you look.
moving on............................................................
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I had a lot of things I wanted to say this evening but now that I sit down to write I can't get my thoughts organized...

My daughters are in D.C. with their father. When I called them earlier, they were at the Washington mall looking at "the tall, pointy thing."  @@  One thing I will not take away from their dad is that he loves history and will scour every inch of that place he can and share it with them and teach them. They may feel bored at the time, but later they will appreciate this trip.

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I have lost someone that has been a part of my life the last two years. It is not my choice but I know it is for the best. I hate it when i am wrong about someone. I have been wrong about this man. He is not the person i thought he was and no matter how I spin it, he never will be. Yet my heart skips whenever my phone chimes.  Then i feel so sad that once again, it isn't him. He is right in his action but I am having a real hard time accepting it.  I know I will get to the point that he will just be someone I used to know. But I sure wish it would hurry up... This hurts.