3 steps forward

thank you for thr comments, Mary and Guido. I truly appreciate them.
Last weekend things were really  dark for me. So i made an impulsive decision and Sacanna and i took off to Gatlinburg for two days of mother daughter time. And my older daughter cane to join us after she got off work. So i have made a promise to myself to get out more. I work here, live here, nit ever getting out cant be good for me.  It was very goid for me to have done this. When i got home i yook a ling and wonderful nap.

I heard from the ex boyfriend  he is needing help, of course. I was kind, but won't be helping him. It was just mire if his sane old song and dance. I am oroud to say I didn't feel anything for him.

I was kind because i saw ehat drugs abd alcohol have done yo his body. How broken he is.  He can't get to me anymore. I may still have healing to do from that relationship but he won't be able to inflict any more harm to me. 

Sometimes

sometimes i am the lonliest person in the world.  The sadness is so consuming I can't even put it into words. And all i want, more than anything, is for someone to say, "come here." And take me in their arms and just hold me while i cry.  No other words. Just that. 

I love you

I can't tell you how much I love you. Or how much I miss you. I don't know how you can have said you loved me and then do what you did. I wish you'd just own it. And then explain. 

Full Moon

How did I wind up in an emotionally abusive relationship? He started out being incredible. He and his home a refuge to me. I could not only sleep there, but I could sleep in his arms. Something previously unheard of for me. I was on cloud nine. So happy to have met this wonderful, funny and smart man.

But he drinks. A lot. And then the critique and mind games started. And mood swings severe and swift. I keep looking for that sweet man.I know I should walk. Even run. But I don't. 

Whoa

A lot has happened since I last posted.  All that whining I did about my ex and his wife? Well, she left him. Yep sure did.  Left him on August 11 and he was served papers on August 27. Yes, she has another man. karma?  Yes.

On Friday he was served with a restraining order that also ordered him to vacate the home. This has my daughters very upset and scared and now they are in crisis mode. Up until Friday they were happier than ever with the evil one gone. Supposedly this was done by deceiving the judge and will be corrected when his lawyer gets an emergency hearing. We'll see about that. This is her house that was purchased shortly before he moved in. I am not sure of his rights there but what is important to me is that the girls do not have to change schools. They love their school and I don't want them uprooted from that district.

As for the job thing, I have a great temp assignment starting on Monday. Also had a phone interview on Friday I am waiting to hear about it. And it is at the same place my temp assignment is. I am trying to not get to excited about it because i really thought i had the last job I had interviewed for and it turned out I did not get it.

and in a nut shell that is all that is going on with me... I am a little worried about my anxiety and depression flaring up. it may be because i feel so helpless about my daughters right now. Or it may be the change of seasons or maybe I am just crazy. Hopefully starting work next week will sort it out. 

The Paper Man in the Moon

I should have made this entry before midnight... August 16 is my daughter's birthday. She turned 13! One day she had been looking to see what famous people shared her birthday. What she found instead was a listing of deaths. Elvis, Margaret Mitchell and several others.  She brought this information to me and was very concerned that her birthday was that of such sadness.

So I told her, "Yes, we have lost some wonderful, creative people on this date. But God doesn't take without giving something in return. And that's why we have YOU."  And she is wonderful and creative. I wish I could do half of what she can do. She is one super cutie patootie.

I have experienced more Blessings this week. On Tuesday I received a call from a company that I have been trying to get on with forever. They arranged for a phone interview on Wednesday and after that they had me come in on Thursday for a face-to-face. I think it went very well. I won't know for sure for another couple of weeks but I feel its promise for certain. Glory to God!

We have some nasty storms on the way and I can feel them. I am a human barometer. It has always been my dream to live on the coast but I fear the hurricane season would be too painful for me.

Saturday night my youngest daughter and I were able to see the meteor shower. It was so nice to sit out on the porch with her and listen to her chatter. A cold front had blown in on Friday so it was actually a little chilly. Then the paper man came up the drive and she started talking about how she had considered messing with the paper man. Like dressing up as Big Foot and dashing out of the woods in front of the car, then taking off across the field... I told her that I bet people had messed with the paper man before... Someday if I meet a paper delivery driver I will ask if people give them a hard time... lol.

That child has such an imagination. Just to chat with her is like a breath of fresh air.

a wise child once said....

Kennedy has been posting some status updates on her Facebook. this is tonight's:

Kennedy Elizabeth Griffith

I was thinking about my current situation.... and I realized something. I am not sad, nor scared. I am not happy either though. I just.. I am. You can't explain this feeling, not empty, but somewhat carefree. I think this is Gods way of telling me, it doesn't matter where you end up. Everything's going to be okay.

*******************************************************************************************************

Tomorrow I have a phone interview for a position that I am very excited about. If I get this position, I could make it my forever work home. I am more than a little excited. I have a very good chance at this one. 

I had more to write about but have gone blank! oh well. It may come to be at 2 a.m.....